Shadows of the heart

2008-07-11T22:51:00.000+08:00

People's lives are intertwined in one way or another. We encounter various people in our daily lives. We interact with them and affect them in one way or another. We may meet them almost everyday and develop an indefinite relationship with them, whether it's friendship, acquaintances, or just plain people we see each passing day. People laugh with other people, they get conversations with others, even dating with each other with no reason but to interact. This is the unwritten rule of humanity, we can't live alone. We can be independent, but can't live without interaction. Think about it, you're all alone, no people around, no loving animals. What did you feel when you thought about it? Sad?This my readers is just a feeling brought to you by that thought. That's just one of the things you'll feel when you're alone. We're no strangers to solitude, we're once like that.

I find this as the truth, and that's just a part of my truth as it grows little by little every passing second.

2008-04-15T10:13:00.002+08:00

OK, I've been in CA, USA for 3 weeks already. I've been cooling out here for a while. Taking my time.

There's a weird place we went to a few days ago, it's called Mystery Spot. It's been featured in Time magazine. It was really weird. In ground level, the law of physics was still normal, until you step inside the boundary. The highest point in a slanted concrete platform was the lowest. Balls roll upward. And it gets weirder when you get into the cabin. You'll feel light-headed. You're standing straight but in fact you look like you're slanted yourself, but that's just a few meters outside the cabin. When you enter the cabin, it feels like you're being pulled and you're slanted like 45 to 60 degrees. You'll have a hard time to jump from one point to another, as if gravity has changed. I tried to lay down on the floor and oh boy, I got pulled to a corner.

And it's a good place to get exercise, heh.

2008-01-24T22:38:00.000+08:00

--Change--

Well, it's been a year since I became single. And I must say that I like it better. I don't have anything to worry about except my academics. I also met people better than what I've already met. In fact, they became the group I now belong to in Mapua. I haven't had any communication with my High School classmates, but forget about them, I didn't belong to their group in the first place. I even forsake them as they bring more painful memories than the sweet memories that I got from my group in High School and College. I think I changed alot. I can't point it out for myself, but I know I did change.

Maybe in the studies. Maybe in the clothing. Maybe with the way I befriend people. Who knows. We just unconsciously change, for the better or for the worse.

2007-08-03T20:09:00.000+08:00

Cleared mind.

So now, I have a clearer view who I really wanted to be with. I know it maybe a bit weird but trust me, it isn't. I already knew her before I knew the people I once loved. My heart was just sleeping when we first met, or maybe it was awake but not yet very active. I met her 6 years ago, when I was 10 years old while she was 7.

We parted and met again 3 years later, for our cousin's wedding. She got the bouquet, while I had the leg garter. I was just as embarrassed as I always did in front of a big crowd. We were in the spotlight. We again parted.

We met this year in New Zealand. When I saw her, my heart had awaken and embraced the sleeping love for her. She also arrived here in the Philippines last 2 weeks. Now, I spend my time with her as she is leaving for New York this upcoming Friday. I'll be waiting for her to grow up. While waiting, I'll reserve my heart just for her.

2007-05-22T06:27:00.000+08:00

I just arrived from New Zealand yesterday. The vacation was the best. I travelled into 3 countries. 2 days at Brunei Darussalam which I enjoyed becuase of the cuisine. I tasted the different sides of Asia. What I enjoyed the most in it's cuisine is the indian food roti kosong. After Brunei, we went to Malaysia by sea. We saw that it's just the same as Brunei. But we just spent the a day there and by the night, we went back to Brunei because of our flight the day after.

I also spent a month in Auckland ,New Zealand. IT was great! The weather, the people, they were all great! I went there to spent my vacation there but I did more than what I expected. I was back, my old self. Someone helped me drop the weight of depression. NZ is a great place to loose a nut, the place itself helps you to relieve stress. But it was sucessful becuase of one person, just one.

Ermm.. I'm stopping those habits. New Zealand's weather is great, THe month of June is the start of Winter, which could reach below zero. but you could still swim in their warm indoor swimming pools. We were there just in time of Autumn. Every weekends, we gone on a long drive. We gone to beaches and gone for hikes too. The last trip we gone to was Long Bay. There, we grilled in an electric griller. And I swam in a chilling sea, which I say is about 15 degrees celcius. But I could swim the same as in a swimming pool. I want to settle down in New Zealand!!!

Update: I just uploaded a few pictures, hope you like them. Here's the link. New Zealand April-May 2007 Pictures

2007-04-17T19:13:00.000+08:00

Here I am in New Zealand, having fun with my relatives. I've met with my cousin's cousin. She grew up, wow, she gre up fast. We've only parted for 2 years or so. Heh, she's much more pretty than a few years back. Weee! My heart is now skipping beats! My blood is livelier. I'm happy now. I've never felt happy after that day with my ex. She's a lot younger than me. She's only 13 now while I'm only 16. I don't know what will happen in the future but I'm sure that I'll be her side. Oh yeah, I have to make the best of this week. She's going back to New York this Friday. I need to fill in the holes, I need to spend time with her.

I've also met with my long time childhood friend. I first met him when I was in Grade School, about grade 4 or so. He grew up too. He's now studying in College. He's cool. He's only 2 years older than me. Maybe he could show me around. YEY!

I've decided that after I've finished my studies in the Philippines, I'm going to migrate here in NZ. Everybody here in the North Island of New Zealand is nice, they will smile at you and even wave at you. Nothing can beat New Zealand, that's for sure. You could make sushi and sashimi here with real crab meat, as in real! They are HUGE! They even have a Timezone here! SWEET!

2007-04-11T19:24:00.000+08:00

I'm leaving for New Zealand tomorrow afternoon. I know it would be only for 1 month since I still have school in June or July. I know that some of you will miss me, some may not. But I do know that I will. There are times that I want to leave this country because of my memories. I hate looking into my memories but why do I do it?>_< I still don't know, maybe I always want to look back at those times that I was still very happy with people I love. Maybe I want to remember the pain that she brought when I courted her.

I shouldn't be like this, I wasn't like this in the first place. I still love her, I really do. If ever time comes that I could choose the day I want to go back and live the following days, It would be November 22 2006. I would make everything right.

I would like to call my friends but... I don't have the money to call them. Maybe tomorrow, I'll call them or leave them a message. And I'll call her to bid goodbye...

2007-03-29T14:42:00.000+08:00

*sigh*

I've already graduated from high school. the graduation was held yesterday in our gymnasium. I know it's over but I was thinking of the past; the past four years in high school. I'll miss alot of people there. I had a lot of close friends in those past four years. I know I won't forget them. because I don't want to forget about the past. I simply don't want to. I want them to be a part of my life. not just a piece of my memory. I like to be with the ones close to me.

And I've been thinking... maybe my ex isn't my first love but only my first girlfriend. I love someone more than her. It's... it's... someone who's close to me like a sister. She's Rik-Anne "Bam" Moyano. We've been close since first year. I love her! and I'm going for it. I'm going to court her even if it's a big risk! and even if it's already late, I'll go for it!

2007-02-03T08:02:00.000+08:00

*Sigh* Yeah, I'm single yet taken.
It's complicated for me.
We're apart yet my heart is being wielded by her existance in my heart.

OR I could make another move on my Ex-Girlfriend/ Bestfriend. I'm always doing this tradition since my elementary days. Maybe it will work, maybe not. But I will make the move. I still love her. I don't care if my friends call me a Martyr for being just like this. I don't care what other people think of me.

But I will now reserve some for myself.

So... scratch that part. I've decided. I will not love her no longer. I realized that she isn't ready and she'll lead me into more trouble. Oh come on! Two weeks after the breakup, she already had another boyfriend? She said that I should change. DAMMIT! WHO THE HELL IS SHE TO TELL ME THAT! SHE IS THE ONE WHO NEEDS TO CHANGE! EVEN IF SHE'S IN A RELATION, SHE STILL BEFRIENDS MORE GUYS, AS IF THEY ARE MORE THAN FRIENDS.

I KNOW YOU ARE READING THIS. I'M TELLING YOU THIS, I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE PROMISE I TOLD YOU. YOU'RE NOT READY FOR A RELATION. YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT LOVE. IF YOU REALLY LOVED ME, YOU SHOULD HAVE LOVED ME FOR WHO I AM NOT LOVED ME FOR WHO I WAS.

2007-01-31T22:11:00.000+08:00

*Sigh* Yeah, I'm single yet taken.
It's complicated for me.
We're apart yet my heart is being wielded by her existance in my heart.

Oh, our school [Rizal High School] just had another bomb threat. I'm making a theory about these so-called "Bomb Threats for Schools". Every bomb threat is made by the same person every 2 years.

I was drifting into another world when I heard the news. I rushed outside the classroom just to see the students panic to the Open Oval. I laughed at them, I didn't care if it was true or not. I only laughed at them, they should have already noticed and understood the situation. This mere threat was only a joke, a illusion.
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I was wondering what could I do in February 14. I could screw around with my bestfriend. I could put him into a tight situation with his crush. He's been crushing on her for 4 years already!

OR I could make another move on my Ex-Girlfriend/ Bestfriend. I'm always doing this tradition since my elementary days. Maybe it will work, maybe not. But I will make the move. I still love her. I don't care if my friends call me a Martyr for being just like this. I don't care what other people think of me.

But I will now reserve some for myself.

2007-01-28T22:09:00.000+08:00

-Uneasy and unknown-

I've been uneasy for 3 weeks straight. I know that we broke up, I really don't know who am I these days. Before we broke up, I thought that I was prepared to be left in the cold but I was wrong. I'm being someone that I don't know. I can't help it, I'm down because of the break-up. I already told myself that I will change. But it's really hard. I need the help of my friends, even her help is needed. Even if I couldn't be better, I would still want to change.I can't stand it being this distant, being uneasy, being irritable. I can't take it!

I could only take small steps. I can't become someone that everybody would like, I know I can't. I'm being more sarcastic than usual. I'm having my darker side control me. I'm trying to make it fade, even if it's only little. The break-up got the worst part of me, I've became the guy that could punch some random person's face for no reason at all. I'm still nice. I'm making so much facade that I think even myself is being fooled.

2007-01-17T04:53:00.000+08:00

-Wandering Wolf-

hay... napaka hiram talaga ng first. mahirap ang first break-up. We, yep Me and my bestfriend, just broke up. Too late, I already knew this would happen. I felt that she likes her former-crush more than me. She's more alive with him than me. We decided that we should be bestfriends again.

I'll deal with the pain. I'm going to beat up those punks that fought with my friends. Don't worry about me, I'll be your normal friend again. So, I kissed a rose with a lot of thorns and was dipped in Liquid Nitrogen.

I can't control it, I really can't. I'm burning, I'm full of anger. I'm not angry at her, I'm angry at myself. I'm depressed.

-This was supposedly posted on January 11, 2007. Put your comments on my Friendster blog... feel free to ask.

2006-12-11T19:50:00.000+08:00

-no longer the GTO-guy as I was expecting-

Or should I say DR. House. Yep, I'm sarcastic, crazy, gone through in pain, rude. What else... hmm... well, I could be caring, friendly. Yet I made my bestfriend fall for me... she confessed her feelings for me yet she knows that I'm rude nad my other characteristics.For a whole weekend, I could sleep and act like my normal. She was my bestfriend, I could make her cry. But I figured that I love her and love isn't playing it safe. I took the risk.

She fell for me even I did not intend it in the first place. I know I fell for her too.

We knew each other yet we didn't know each other's name. We became classmates and wasn't expecting to be no more than friends. We became close friends and to our suprise, we were falling for each other.

2006-09-09T20:00:00.000+08:00

-The unexpected rise of respect-

I've been searching a way how to return the lost respect and honor for being a genius in Science. I flunked at Chemistry. Got well with General Science and Biology. I've put up quite a nice thing for myself and my previous teachers. I hated the chemistry teacher, not the subject. I loved chemistry but the teacher was boring and slow.

I was chosen by my Physics teacher to compete in the Science Quiz Bee because I had the 2nd highest score in our class. I studied a bit and passed the first elimination, outsmarting the highest in our class( which was my partner for the SQB). I studied more about electricity and radiation due to the fact that it was our current lesson in the past 2 weeks or so. Eventually but suprisingly I passed the 2nd elimination with the 4th place. Again I studied harder and I relaxed a day before the finals. The day before the exam, I was actually nervous even if I appeared cheerful like any average day. Being cheerful was a mask or really my mood. The next day, I was quite nervous at the same time, happy and cheerful. It turned out well, I passed the finals with a 3rd place. Now I'm actually studying for the Division exam.

2006-08-07T21:14:00.000+08:00

-The wolf travels again-

I left Manila in 0015 hours , 08-05-'06 for Baguio. The occassion? A semi-family reunion. I last seen them 6 years ago. But hey, they're here now . It's really nice to see them. It was a Weekend long vacation. First of, I was surprised that my female cousin, Janssen, was only an inch shorter than me( they were quite shocked too when I came to their home) last week. It became another month full of happiness. I could swear that it was fun.

I arrived in Baguio at 0615. I felt the blistering cold of the wind in my face. We were fetched by my uncle. I felt warmer inside the van.When we arrived at the Hotel Elizabeth, I was quite surprised that the only ones who are checked in were us. Ofcourse, the rest of the family were fast asleep. I could even pinch their noses or throw a harmless explosive at my male cousin, the same age as I am. We dropped our luggage at our beautiful room. I was almost complete. It had a bedroom, a living room and 2 bathrooms. After an hour everyone woke up. We prepared for a site-seeing trip first thing in the morning. We had a lot of fun. First landmark, Mines view. I saw very erotic carvings of the male genitals for sale. Lots of strawberry wine. The steps were pretty steep, in which if you're a klutz, you're surely to be dead. My father brought me an army knife. I used it to make a mark by carving the date, an X-mark and ofcourse, the surname of the Family. We came back to the hotel at 1800 for a buffet dining. It had a live band. The next stop The Philippine Military Academy. It rained alot, ofcourse we were surrounded by a very thick fog but it disappeared when it really rained hard. The next stop was SM Baguio. It was just an open place, no walls to surround the surroundings of the mall but it stood like a pavillion. To our surprise, we were the only ones there. Me and my cousins ordered Shirley Temples, a non-alcoholic cocktail. It was really fun, first my 2 cousins performed with the band. I wanted to sing but I lacked the confidence to do it.

The next day, we woke up in 0500. It was time to head for the INC Church. It was huge and beautiful. We them went back to the hotel for breakfast. We went to Camp John Hay shortly. The four of us kids plus my father went horse-back riding. Boy, it was really steep. I could calculate the slopes were 25-35 degrees. It was nerve-recking but addrenaline-pumping adventure. My male cousing was asked for his name and address by a female Korean, it was for her assignment. Instead of using his home address, he used mine. The trail was really muddy. The trail was 2KM long and it lasted for 1 hour. While we were in the steep rough pits, the other party went back to PMA to pick up something. Ofcourse we went to the wet market. I bought my older female cousin a local bracelet, which could be also used as an anklet. I never imagined that even in Baguio, Muslims are trouble. You see, we rented a young Ifugao kid. A muslim kid was really pissed to see the Ifugao kid had us for customers. As we left the market, we ordered the poor kid to run away to avoid herself being mugged by that cruel muslim kid.

We went back to the hotel to take our baggage out but the card keys weren't working. We asked for new keys, still the card keys didn't work. So the Maids opened it with their skeleton card keys. We rested there until night. We prepared to leave Baguio. I took a can of Ice coffee from the little refrigerator. Leaving was the saddest part but we still see each other once in a while. They're leaving next week... I'm gonna miss them. I'll send E-Mails to them^_^.

2006-07-04T18:43:00.000+08:00

Fire and ice...

When fire and ice collide, they eventually becomes obliterated. As the ice melts, the fire also dies. We constantly battle, even ourselves. A part of ourselves says that there's nothing that can be done. Another part says that, we have to help those who need us. Who could say who wins? Greed, pride, lust, wrath dominates hearts. They say it's every man for himself.

" Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving up something in return obtain something of equal value must be lost.

That's not the only truth. What does a baby get when it dies? What did those innocent people get when they got caught in a war? As we thirst for knowledge and power, we seek the truth. We have our own truth...

2006-06-17T13:39:00.000+08:00

Current mood Tired and pissed off

Current Song L'Arc~en~Ciel-Blurry Eyes

*sigh* I only slept 5 hours today due to excitement. This day was the first of my 4-sesson College Entrance Exam Review. I woke up around 0600 hours. I did my morning ritual... check the net for news... I became so excited that when I got to the destination, I suddnely became sleepy... It was so much fun! I met new friends and I got a lot of new information. I went home around 1200 hours.

I got home, I was so hungry and tired that I needed to breath a lot. I saw my onee-chan opening a can of tuna. I was really hungry and tired. Then out of the blues, she asked to buy her some "kalamansi". I got pissed off!!! She didn't even think that I was tired and also sleepy. I suddenly raised my voice... she got pissed... HEY! I'M THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE MORE PISSED!!! I'M THE ONE TIRED AND SHE WOKE UP AT 9:00 AM!!!

She should know that I'm not a bloody robot!!! I get tired!!! I've been treated like an errand boy ever since I was a little boy! I have the right to complain not as a brother but as a person!!!

2006-06-15T21:18:00.000+08:00

hehe... I just found out that nagi just tagged me and I have a present from her... I'm an accidental rude person... sumimasen... I never got a chance to thank nagi for her kindness. I've never had a gift all these years.

this is the first time I had a present from someone I know little about.

I've been a complete fool... I've shut out some people that actually treat you as friends. Even if it's a gift she made for many, I'm still touched. ^_^

Arigatou Gozaimasu nagi-hime.

2006-06-08T17:27:00.000+08:00

Tiresome...tiresome...

*sigh* I'm more tired by climbing stairs up and down... but I'm not getting tired by the lessons or the school work, it's the stairs... that's because my classroom is on the 5th floor and there's no nearby canteen but only on the ground floor... and I have to got to the far away canteen to have a good lunch and I always have to encounter a flood of frosh just to go there and eat. There's also a long line with no means of ventilation... damned... oh well... that's why I decided to have my own bento(packed lunch)...

But of course it's really great to be in the 5th floor too... I only have to walk a few meters just to see Yuffie, my enspiring forehead... and it's also a walking distance from the computer room that the unfortunate girls end up going to the IR building which is on the other side of the campus...

It's now or never...

2006-05-25T22:33:00.000+08:00

TO ALL MY FELLOW FILIPINO COSPLAYERS...

A Warning for Philippines-based fandom groupsDuring the last quarter of 2005, MIKE ABUNDO bought the domain and created an online cosplay forum answering to the name "PINOYCOSPLAY.COM"

doing so, he has bypassed an already existing yahoo emailing list named PINOYCOSPLAY, which was already active and in existence in the year 2000, during the years following the first major anime conventions in the Philippines (ANIME EXPLOSION & ANIME QUEST of the years 2000 - 2002)

Members of pinoycosplay mailing list who are also active administrative members of FILCOSPLAY.TK, (a cosplay forum created during 2002, and thus older than pinoy cosplay) pointed this out to Mike Abundo.

Mike Abundo denies his knowledge of the existence of the pinoycosplay ML, saying if it existed it was an old and inactive group anyway, and it did not register highly in Google searches.

When NOELLE DE GUZMAN, founder of the pinoycosplay ML, spoke with Mike Abundo, he admitted that he did not, in fact, make a google search for the keyword term "pinoycosplay" before buying the .com domain and creating the forum.

Mike Abundo, in the latter part of the conversation with Noelle de Guzman, proposed that the pinoycosplay ML merge with his pinoycosplay.com forum, saying the mailing list would benefit from the boost of traffic that would soon visit his pinoycosplay.com site, claiming that his .com site was far more accessible to people everywhere.

Noelle De Guzman rejected the offer and said the Pinoycosplay ML will not be affiliated with Pinoycosplay.com under any circumstance. Mike Abundo chose to keep the name of his .com site, saying that he has already invested his monetary resources into the creation of his forums which, in reality, uses the format given by the invision.net service providers on the creation of an online bulletin board/forum.

Mike Abundo bought the site domain name pinoycosplay.com to lead to the www.invisionfree.com/pinoycosplay forum.

Since then, Mike Abundo, who is also a member of Filcosplay forums, a cosplay oriented forum not unlike his own pinoycosplay forum, has frequently made various attempts to lead members of the Filcosplay forums to his own pinoycosplay forums by posting his site links within the threads of conversation in the Filcosplay forum, often times in a blatant manner thru hotlinking and making off-topic posts that pertain to his pinoycosplay forum site.

additionally, Mike Abundo has often criticized the Filcosplay forums by emphasizing the advantages of his Pinoycosplay forum - like accessibility.

Pinoycosplay forums do not require member registration to enter, in contrast to Filcosplay forums which require this. Mike Abundo claims that this enables more user traffic to his pinoycosplay.com site as this registers higher on Google searches and has more memory recall than a long series of link names like filcosplay's "S7.INVISIONFREE.COM/FILCOSPLAY" link.

Also, as filcosplay uses the "WWW.FILCOSPLAY.TK" link as an alternative to its original "S7.INVISIONFREE.COM/FILCOSPLAY" link, Mike Abundo claims that some people would have difficulty going to filcosplay, as the filcosplay.tk link suffers from regular downtime, unlike his pinoycosplay.com site, which is a more direct connection to his own forums.

The filcosplay forum moderators have generally ignored Mike Abundo's actions, reprimanding him only when his actions were excessive, but allowed him to remain a member of the filcosplay forums.
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Early this january 2006, the Filcosplay forum moderators have found out that Mike Abundo has bought the domain name of "WWW.FILCOSPLAY.COM" and uses this as a link to his own pinoycosplay.com forums.

When Mike Abundo is confronted by the moderators of Filcosplay, he says he will gladly give the www.filcosplay.com domain to filcosplay, only when the moderators make a public announcement of Mike Abundo's "generous donation" to filcosplay.

As of this writing, many filcosplay members have aired their concerns over Mike Abundo's actions.Meanwhile, the Filcosplay forum moderators are making plans with how to act against Mike Abundo's virtual act of cyber terrorism.
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Other anime/manga/cosplay/fandom related groups should be warned against making future connections or working with Mike Abundo. Take utmost care against this person and his underhanded dealings.pertinent links to this report:

http://s7.invisionfree.com/filcosplay
or
http://www.filcosplay.tk

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/pinoy_cosplay/
http://www.mikeabundo.blogspot.com
http://www.filcosplay.com
http://www.pinoycosplay.com
-----------------------------------
Help pread the word, and post this in your journal.

2006-05-19T22:28:00.000+08:00

I could still remember the memories of my childhood but what I can't remember, I can't remember the reason my change... even if it was still somewhere inside me, or is it no longer inside me? But one things for sure, I didn't even realize that I changed. But it didn't take a short period of time but it took 16 years of hardship from bullying, I even thought of suicide but I haven't the guts to do it but a voice inside me reached to me and said running away from your problems wouldn't solve it but it will worsen it to a mountain instead of a handful.

Even now, I would be laughed at by others. But onethings for sure, I will stand with my own feet and no matter what happens, I will walk with my own feet.

Ready Steady... Can't hold me back...

Ready steady... give me good luck...

Ready steady... never look back.

And I'd hate anyone, even if they are my friends or even teachers, who call other people trash or insults, I'd make sure they will be punished. No one deserves to be called trash. I've been also called trash and being insulted but I always never mind those guys... but I will make sure they will never insult anyone again...

2006-05-06T17:42:00.000+08:00

I sometimes wish that I become another person... but there it was, something that took me to realization. We are what we are."Born as a wolf, die as a wolf" they say. Even if someone changes their name, changes their appearance or even if they change their attittude, they are still what they are. Their scent wouldn't change even if they would pour perfume at their body. How could you even think that you'd be someone that you're not? If I cared for you, i'd still care for you no matter what, wouldn't you do that for the fact that you care for someone. I would never die to protect what is important for me, I will live for them.

"Don't choose death to protect her...

no matter what happens,

you must live to protect her"

-Freedert-san, DNAngel

And some promises are made to be forgotten while a promise of love is eternally with you...

even if rain drops fall forever, feeling love will always make it warm. Just for love, magic will happen. But seeing your loved one die or even cry will make your summer cold...

I want to see you right away, because I love you,
Even though I want to run away because I'm scared of being hurt.
If this unseen barrier around me should tear away my wings,
Still, you are so precious to me that it makes me sad.

-Miyamoto Shunichi's Caged Bird

2006-04-17T13:11:00.000+08:00

Would it be lonely if you were misunderstood, misinterpreted and mostly... seen as not of your identity? Who said it was so easy... being someone you are is nothing compared to someone they see inside you... it feels so cold that nothing seems to give you warmth...

The fake light that is disappearing
The true light that is being born
In these hands...

I'm losing the fake side of me... to molt into the true being like nothing is impossible... they see me as childish but with other people I turn into someone else... when it's time to joke around, I joke around, when it's time to get serious, I get it... so as long as I live, I will change...

In this world where the wind blows like a knife
What is it that I should protect?
In this journey where I know one pain after another
I draw closer to my true self

As long as I live, I will draw to my true self... freed from the chains that bind me in the past... I will travel this lone road but tend to pick up friends that are willing to accept and help me with all these challenges...

2006-04-12T07:29:00.000+08:00

Being gone to my first EB was something, I don't know but I had this weird feeling...as if something was pulling me before I got to SM Megamall, I got lost in Edsa Central... that's because I only rode Crossing Alliance not straight to our destination point but it was really worth it like a piece of cake...

I got home dropped like dead on my bed because of exaustion... but it was really worth it, I got to know some APC members and yeah... I got a controversy burrried, six feet under the soil. So I'll just stay with this clan like were real family... I will no longer travel the rope like a tightrope that I travel alone and only alone. I look at everything that I done alone but now I know that I ain't alone but I have the greatest friends I ever met.

2006-02-27T10:22:00.000+08:00

The Philippines is in a very chaotic stage... it's in a state of national emergency but hell! It looks like it's on Martial Law in the hands of a worthless president... due to this, all drops... the stock market, the PHP value and even the honor and dignity of our said country.

A leader like her would be a very terrible mistake to vote. Look what happened to the Philippines in the command of a corrupted leader but we already made the vote. I say that she's stealing from our country. She's really desperate that she won't go down her position, even if the whole country is against the odds. She declared the state of national emergency just to protect herself. Media Blackouts are now in place because the media is revealing too much corruption made by her... look at our state now. It looks like a bloody war zone.

This place will be a bloody one. We will have a bloody year.

2006-01-13T21:09:00.000+08:00

-=Friday the 13th=-

Nice...
I love this wretched day, for the fact that I can't even think of what will happen...it's cursed, it's pleasure for some... pulling pranks on others, telling of creepy stories and the worst part is unexpected disasters...

I really have another quote to share to the viewers...
" I trust people, I just don't trust the devil inside them"
Hope you get it enterpreted... all of us has like the Yin and Yang, the Black and the White sides of our personality... I only get to reveal the Dark side of myself if someone gets really annoying... that's what happened to my classmate this very day... get got on my nerves and I kicked him repeatedly and I just make him suffer the humiliation I felt...

Don't fight fire with fire... fight it with water...

2005-12-20T20:46:00.000+08:00

-= A wolf is born again=-

I got a headache while I'm typing this entry... don't have any plans tomorrow but it be my bloody 15th birthday...I don't know what will happen tomorrow but I won't have any celebration, just gonna buy a can of Cali and drink it in our roof. Just gonna enjoy my mon's specially homemade sisig...

If you were wondering of something to think... I'd be thinking on how to fix another problem... but it is no longer by myself but our clan... Anime Pop Clan... we're really in a sticky position... the caln is being torn apart my time and destiny...

The moderators are leaving the clan one by one...by one...I'd really love to visit my old elementary friend... my one true bestfriend...

2005-12-19T13:43:00.000+08:00

I've got a confession to make...

It all began when I walked the dog... I just wanted him to do his thing but before my very own eyes, blood was scattered on the floor and my leg too... before I knew it, my dog almost killed a little neko(cat). I got scratched by the cat who was really bloodied... my dog's nose and mouth was full of crimson red blood...

I can't believe I let my guard down, it almost took my sanity for a moment... and as adrenaline pumped into my blood,I let myself spin the dog while the cat was in his mouth... I tried to separate the cat and my dog...but all was futile, the cat was already weakened by the dog's furious bite... and that moment I got them separated... I'd put this memory behind if I can but it would still be fresh like a meat from a butcher shop...

I still bleed as my mind is being tortured by the looks of the bloody cat... staring with those cold yellow eyes...

2005-12-03T09:27:00.000+08:00

"A wolf will always be a wolf
The shinsengumi will always be the shinsengumi
whatever you do, a manslayer will always be a manslayer"
-Saito Hajime

We cannot change what happened, but we can change what will happen, there are things that you will never ever change,everthing in this world will change and fall... but we will be sucessful if we constantly change. The death of man will never be prevented but we can prolong our lives, as we live everyday we can prolong our days and nights of our lives.

As they leave, we can choose to stay or go with them but whatever happens I will be standing here as always...
just waithing for your return...

2005-11-29T17:07:00.000+08:00

I've know this a long time ago but this isn' the first time that the prediction I made came true... It will always haunt me until I find a way to open the gate inside of myself... the mysterious past that haunt the living flesh of my body. The lone wolf that remains in my body.

Who or what the hell am I feeling? Has it been wreaking havoc inside, turning me from a friendly guy to a lone wolf? Yes, you may see a happy and cheerful being in me but there is the sides you don't even see... why bother? They judge anything by its cover, not even thinking on the rights of this unlikely person... who are they to judge thy self? Who are they to tell thee on what are thee? They are the bloody hunters of the red moon, the bloody moon that wreaks havoc every war that pass, every battle sought, ever death that spills innocent lives...

I'll search for the answers until the day I find it...

2005-11-27T16:37:00.000+08:00

Our Lady of Peace
Somewhere out there

Last time I talked to you,
you were lonely and out of place.

You were looking down on me,
lost out in space.

Laid underneath the stars,
strung out and feeling brave.

Watch the red orange glow,
watch them float away.

Down here in the atmosphere,
garbage and city lights,
you gotta save your tired soul,
you gotta save our lives.

Turn on the radio,
to find you on sattellite,
I'm waiting for the sky to fall,
I'm waiting for a sign.

All we are is all so far.

You're falling back to me,
the star that I can't see.
I know you're out there,
somewhere out there.

You're falling out of reach,
defying gravity,
I know you're out there,
somewhere out there.

Hope you remember me,
when you're homesick and need a change.
I miss your purple hair,
I miss the way you taste.

I know you'll come back someday,
on a bed of nails I'll wait.
I'm praying that you don't burn out,
or fade away.

All we are is all so far

You're falling back to me,
the star that I can't see.
I know you're out there,
somewhere out there.

You're falling out of reach,
defying gravity,
I know you're out there,
somewhere out there.

You're falling back to me,
the star that I can't see.
I know you're out there, oh.
You're falling out of reach,
defying gravity....

I know you're out there,
somewhere out there.

You're falling back to me,
the star that I can't see.
I know you're out there,
somewhere out there.

You're falling out of reach,
defying gravity,
I know you're out there,
somewhere out there.

You're falling back to me.

Well I know,
I know.

You're falling out of reach.

I know...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Something is bothering me, why do I exist? why do I feel envy for my sister? and why did my parents didn't care for me until I walked? But I know that there are questions not to be answered and doors that is not meant to be open...
The answers lie in our precious little heart, If we think about it, we will just have to die... If I was just in control of my heart, I would just make it stop to feel nothing, just numbness...

A friend once told me that if he was just the wind, he'd be just with me... I wish I was like that too... the pain and agony that my sister feels is nothing compared to what I feel every minute, every second...
the loneliness
the humiliation that I feel everytime I see that person that made my heart as cold as ice and hard as steel...

2005-11-14T10:43:00.000+08:00

=-=Romeo and Juliet=-=

11/11/2005, we held our book representation or in other language...a play...
I played as Mercutio but hey I've got a double role. I played as Mercutio and a music director, our lord capulet just backed out a few hours before the play, I really liked to play as Mercutio because of it's really just me. Its an old english style, I got to die from a fight. I was really nervous, I messed up in a few lines and the fight scene between me and Tybalt. Heh, we BOTH MESSED UP... being the musical director was really hard because I was supposedly provide the music and put it into life, I mean action... ermm... the scene!!! I used only old music, namely orchestral. It was really successful but the critism and result will come out tommorow, at 11/14/2005, Monday at 10:30 AM to 11:30 AM. MY apologies to anyone who I got to go in a fight and got hurt in the practices of the fight scene... I sweated my way through it.

2005-11-07T05:32:00.000+08:00

I guess this is a new chapter but I won't post something about APC... I maybe going a story right now, it's either my life or my life with a touch of fantasy... I really love to escape this darn world where darkness rules and dark goes over with light, I want to change htat, I want to change everything that will happen to me...ermmm.....you'll figure out when I'll be seen with your naked eyes... see the truth about me but never believe in everything you see, it maybe the real deal or it maybe just the cover your scratching... withing my life and the light is the death and darkness...

2005-11-02T06:51:00.000+08:00

I know that this is a time for going to our departed love ones but I need to say that I love my new family... in our house, we fight and have misunderstandings. I mean, they don't really know what's inside of my emotions, they judge from the physical being that goes... They see that I'm okay but I'm NOT OKAY!!! But I now enjoy the hands that been lend to me by my clan...they aren't only like friends but family... I will do anything just to be with them... I am not dillutional but I'm not a presimistic person either but I'm the opstimistic person that almost everyone hates... due to my blank expression in my face, my large voice that makes them look that I'm insulting them, I'm the misunderstood and the unseen fire that burns inside the shadows of darkness...

2005-10-31T10:24:00.000+08:00

Halloween!!! It's gonna be an all timer of the night!!! Halloween, tommorow is gonna be halloween...
History tell that halloween started because of it's meaning...Saint's eve...
Hmm... maybe the hollows will come...I can't really tell anything because we really have no holidays since I'm a Iglesia Ni Cristo but hell! there's still no school going on!!! hell yeah!!! I'd really like to tell someone close to my heart but distant to my status... that I love here, no matter what it takes, I'll still be with her...

OFFTOPIC!!!I really had the chance of a lifetime to join them, it's past 6 months since I joined Anime Pop Clan, but it wasn't an ordinary clan that I joined but it became my family that I did not yet see... they treated me as their brother, their child and I appreciate that since I didn't grow in my mother's care until I learned to walk...

2005-10-27T00:31:00.000+08:00

I just love to be online!!!I love to surf the net within this time!!! But most of all I love the clan I joined!!! APC is the best for me, I will not depart from it for it is my family!!!But what really is love?It's undefinable for it is not seen but is felt within us. I know it for I also feel it flowing within me, like my blood is on fire, I can't believe I became flooded with love. But I long to be heard and longed to be loved by others, even just to be respected. But as long as I can believe, I won't give up until the day I die.....I'll be forever young but will be devoured by Death itself. But I will not fight unless if needed. I will not kill even if I will die, fighting are for fools... even if they see me as a coward I will not fight!

2005-10-26T08:42:00.000+08:00

I'd like this template please.....
had a rough time searching through the rubble... aynway...I still have that darn troubled tag board... so please ate kim... help me! By the way, where the hell are you guys!!! It's been 5 days and you haven't returned yet!!!